I am Not the New Born Deer

I feel like I have the intelligence of a new born deer.
So fresh and open to a world that can be so wonderful and
also so unnerving to a baby deer.These moments are so pure and are as heavy as lead.
Moments that make it so happy and so sad at the same time,
so happy that it wants to shed a tear and so sad that it wants
to shed more than one. 
There was a presence in this world that had such an impact 
to a baby deer. 
One that made it's legs shake and it's pupils widen with light.
It made the baby deer feel like it wasn't as fearful of the world.
It made the baby deer not feel like it was a piece of meat being 
hunted. 
It was a wonderful thing, to bring such joy to something new.
The presence made sure the deer never knew what breakdowns were
Nor know what it was like to feel like a 5/10. It made sure that
dreamcatchers actually caught dreams that would bring fright. 
It kept it close to it's body and it reminded it to never feel small,
to never feel out of reach, and to always feel like it can do more
than what other deer think.
I envy this baby deer, I envy anyone who has been a baby deer because 
I have yet to feel
have
or be with this presence.  
         ~Col
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